I had an affair with a married man a few years ago. He’s older than I, he’s 42, and he had been married for 20 years when we met. I had no clue he was married when we first met and fell in love. I obviously looked him up on social media and while he did have photos of his kids on there, there was absolutely no mention or photos of a wife at all.
I found out that he was married about a month after we first got together, but he told me it was just a marriage on paper and that he and his wife lived separate lives and that they remain married for practical purposes until the kids get older. They owned a business, which his wife really ran, and he was just financially involved in it.
I knew at the time that I probably shouldn’t believe him, but I convinced myself it was true. I was madly attracted to him and I guess almost infatuated with him. He made me feel so good. I know now that I should have stopped it immediately, but I didn’t even guess what I was getting myself into. I was absolutely crazy about all of the attention he gave me, the great romantic life, the places he’d take me. I felt special. I was so naive.
I got pregnant about a year into seeing him. I was always careful with preventing pregnancy, but during my relationship with him, I did take stupid risks. I was so in love with this guy, it’s embarrassing. The things he’d asked me to do. I’d agree to almost anything, even when I knew it was a crazy idea.
I was in love with him, or I believed I was. I wanted to get pregnant instantly. I was dreaming about being his wife and having a family, and I wanted him to break this arrangement with his actual wife.
I got pregnant on purpose with an intention of him leaving her for me, I wished that we could be a real, normal couple.
I was surprised by how excited I was to be pregnant with my SO’s baby. I wanted that baby so much. The thought of carrying a son or a daughter of my beloved man was so special to me, and I expected he would feel the same.
I happily announced the news to him, but he instantly started to tell me I couldn’t keep the baby. I didn’t expect this reaction, I was devastated, and it hurt me to my core that he didn’t really feel the same way I did. He said that he didn’t want any more kids and that he couldn’t openly be a father to another kid when he and his wife were still pretending to be happily married to all other people.
I pretended to agree to do what he wanted, and we even made plans for a nice weekend. I was all packed the night he was going to pick me up, but I started to feel really scared and really unsafe about the whole thing. I took my bag and went to a hotel to hide because I couldn’t go with him. I texted him to say I would never contact him again, and I wouldn’t name him as the father or claim for child support if he’d promise to leave me alone.
At first, my SO tried to sweet talk me into doing what he wanted. When I didn’t agree, he said some very nasty things to me and prohibited me to even show up at his door. I have a 2-year-old now. At times, it’s been difficult for me, but overall we are thriving. I have kept my word about not naming this man as the father or requesting child support.
His wife recently contacted me on Facebook. Well, she’s finally his ex-wife now. She wanted to talk to me. She found out about me and told me that she divorced him 8 months ago. She wanted her children to know their sister and for my baby girl to know her siblings. That’s totally weird to me.
I haven’t replied to her yet. I am not sure about how to approach this. How do I respond to this? I wonder if I’m being selfish by not even trying an option for my child to know her siblings, if his ex is being genuine about that. If I was married and my husband had a child outside of our marriage, I don’t think I’d feel the same that she does. What should I do?
