Grandpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show
and the preacher said, if the viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one hand on the television set and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town.
After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, i’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”
The manager does as she is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says, “you know, i think my girl was dead!”
“Dead?” says his friend, “why would you say that?”
“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.”
His friend says, “I think mine was a witch.”
“A witch, why would you say that?”
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window!”
