A 29-year-old female Redditor with the user name erika_urrrika opened up about a dilemma she was facing with her mother. The woman explained that she had just given birth to her child and needed help caring for her newborn as she was returning to work. Here’s her full story:
“I (29f) asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn so I could go back to work once my leave is up. Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then. She refused, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a “traditional” family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we.
However, we are just coming out of a pandemic, going into a possible recession, there and there is no way me and my partner can make it financially on one income. I make $55k/yr, but have $39k in student loans + $20k in other debt (credit card, car loan, medical debt on credit). My partner makes about $36k/yr, and has $5k in credit card debt. I as the higher breadwinner, have an internal obligation to go back to work since not only i have the most at stake, I also make the most to keep our family afloat. We are currently in a small, 1 bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area, and would need to save money to move to a 2 bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space.
When I explained all thr above to my mom, she then proceeded to say that she will charge me $20/hr for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup, and must provide her with a carseat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house. She will not step foot in my house for her own personal reasons (she’s come in once, and I’ve lived with my partner for 5 years; she’s a 15min drive away).
I want to save money to bring down our debt, and don’t want to pay her as much nor invest as much in double of everything as it will spiral into more debt for me and my partner. I’m on the fence about enrolling my baby into an infant daycare instead as the cost will overall be lower and a little closer to our home. Due to our jobs, we cannot work from home so we are in desperate need of childcare. Everyone else in our family works full time so they cannot help us as they have a similar 9-5 schedule.
So, am I the asshole for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while me and my partner try to fix our finances?”
