A reader recently shared a heartfelt dilemma many older adults can relate to but rarely speak aloud: After decades of hard work and self-sacrifice, is it wrong to say no to adult children when they ask for even more?
Here’s her story.
At 65, she’s finally retiring after working since the age of 19. Throughout her life, she held down two jobs, raised her daughter as a single mom, and never once took a vacation.
Retirement has been a long-awaited milestone—something she’s looked forward to as a time to finally rest, reflect, and enjoy life on her terms.
But just as that dream came within reach, her daughter made a surprising request: she asked her to delay retirement to become a full-time, unpaid caregiver for her grandchildren.
When she declined, her daughter called her selfish.
The conversation turned hurtful. Her daughter asked, “What else are you going to be doing? Sitting at home watching TV?”
Then came emotional pressure: “After everything you did for me, can’t you do this one thing for your grandkids?”
But this reader had already done that “one thing” many times over. For years, she’d been the steady hand, the caregiver, the provider—the one who kept everything together.
Now, she was simply asking for time to rest and reclaim some peace for herself.
She’s exhausted.
After over 40 years of work and solo parenting, she’s ready to stop sacrificing and start living life for herself. She’s not rejecting her family, and she certainly isn’t turning her back on her grandkids.
But she’s no longer willing to trade her hard-earned retirement for another full-time, unpaid role.
The backlash has been painful. Her daughter is hurt. Her son-in-law has grown distant. Even her sister has called to label her decision as selfish.
But as the reader pointed out, none of them were there offering help when she was struggling to raise a child on her own.
She still deeply loves her family. But this time, she’s choosing herself. She wants rest, freedom, and a chance to enjoy her golden years.
Her question echoes what many wonder but are afraid to say: Is it really selfish to finally prioritize your well-being after a lifetime of putting others first?
To that, we say: No, it’s not. It’s human. And it’s okay.
