You might never believe these common relationship habits were toxic
People who have been involved in a toxic relationship, know how negatively that can reflect on our everyday lives. Whether it is a member of your family, coworker, friend, boss or partner, we all have experienced being around such a person. However, many people fail to realize they are being manipulated by a toxic person. This behavior can be very subtle and you can’t even be aware of it. Usually it is too late when we figure out we were influenced by a toxic person, especially if it is our partner. In order to protect yourself from such a relationship, pay attention to these 4 habits.
1. Projecting blame
Most of us are under a lot of stress. Some of us have healthy ways of dealing with it. Most of us don’t. Of those who don’t, a lot just bottle it down. However, others project that pain off onto their close ones and place the blame on them when they don’t deserve it.
After a long day, our partner has plans to visit friends and we get frustrated that they don’t plan on spending time with us. So, we lash out and blame them for how we feel when the reality is, this pain arose long before this incident.
This might be an unintentional behavior, both reactionary and unconscious, but it’s toxic nonetheless. You need to work on gaining clarity about what’s going on internally so you can catch this habit in the act. If you develop self-awareness, it’s pretty easy to stop this behavior.
2. Not giving your partner enough attention
Some of us are emotionally unavailable by nature. That’s fine, but it’s not going to help you develop a strong relationship. It’s like having a goal to become a professional at something, never doing any work to get there, and then expecting results. If you want a strong relationship, you need to do the work.
If you’re naturally emotionally unavailable, or can sometimes be a bit distant for one reason or another (I get like this at times because of the intensity often required to write), you need to actively work to connect with your spouse, express your affection, and make plans to spend quality time.
If you don’t, over time this can plant a seed of resentment in your partner, or vice versa, and once this has gone too far it’s very difficult to come back from (but not impossible), so stop it now before it becomes a real issue.
3. Clinging
Neediness and clinginess are the worst relationship killers which we usually realize when it is too late. At the beginning of a relationship we want to spend as much time as possible chatting or texting our partner. However, as our relationship progresses it is normal that these types of communication reduce. But, if your partner relies on you even for the smallest and simplest decisions, they are too needy and might make you feel suffocated. This lack of personal space creates a toxic environment which is not beneficial for a relationship.
4. “Loving” jealousy
Loving jealousy is when you, or your partner, get into the habit of constantly hounding over the social life of the other person, freaking out when you make any sort of contact with the outside world from talking to texting, meeting, calling, posting, and even just checking social in some cases. Your partner attempts to control your behavior because of their own feelings.
They might be doing it because they (supposedly) love you, but what they’re really doing is something much more toxic: controlling your life because of their own internal challenges.
This might at first appear to be typical jealousy. You might even like it in the beginning because it’s a sign that your partner cares. However, don’t accept this kind of behavior (and don’t dish it out yourself) as it’s nothing but toxic and is sure to ruin a relationship fast.
Jealousy is natural, we all know that. But you need to allow yourself to be a bit vulnerable and trust your partner. If you can’t do that, your relationship will never survive, so as uncomfortable for you or your partner as it may be, it’s necessary if you both want to rid your relationship of the toxicity.
References: usefulgen.com, goalcast.com
