Only women who actually lived through a failed marriage will give us true marriage advice.
You might think that you shouldn’t be listening to someone who wasn’t able to make her marriage work in the first place. But actually, you should be aware that it’s a woman who has suffered through a failed marriage that might be someone who you can really learn from.
Why? That’s because she has some substantial insight to the wrongdoings in a relationship because she actually lived through it. Moreover, she knows exactly what one needs to avoid doing in order to save a marriage.
You always need to learn from a person who failed because of the fact that failure can provide some really valuable perspective. It’s important for you to realize that if things are going too well, there is very little room for growth. You can only really learn and grow from the things that you aren’t good at; the things that require a lot of improvement.
And that’s the reason why this woman’s perspective is going to be incredibly valuable. You have to make sure that you open your mind and your heart. If you truly value your marriage, then you wouldn’t be so quick to shut down anyone’s advice.
You have to make sure that you do everything in your power to avoid committing the same mistakes that many other people have committed in their own relationships as well.
1. You refuse to give your partner an opportunity to do something for you.
You are strong and independent. No one is ever going to think that you’re weak. That’s why you shouldn’t be afraid of letting your partner actually take care of you. You might think that you’re just being so strong and admirable. But you’re just invalidating your partner’s efforts by doing so.
You don’t want your partner to feel like they are powerless to help make your life easier. You always want them to feel like they are still able to add some value to your life. And you can do that by allowing them to actually do stuff for you every once in a while.
2. You expect your partner to change.
You shouldn’t be expecting your partner to change. You should only be pushing them to be more of who they really are. You should never be making them feel like they have to be someone other than who they truly are on the inside.
3. You negatively focus on what’s wrong.
One of the most difficult scenarios is a couple in which one or both people are stuck viewing each other through a negative lens, expecting the worst.
Our brains do a wonderful job of seeing what we expect to see, and we are much more likely to view our husbands as doing everything wrong when we have developed a negative view of them.
4. You think that silence is a viable option for resolving conflict.
You should never walk away from an argument just because you’re afraid of confrontation. You shouldn’t just stay quiet because you are afraid of arguing with your partner. It’s very important that you ALWAYS talk to one another about everything – even the uncomfortable topics.
You aren’t always going to be talking about things that you like. But you should know that conflicts won’t fix themselves. You always need to be talking things out with one another. You must always be willing to have these conversations with your partner. You need to feel comfortable to talk to one another about absolutely anything.
5. You allow your feelings and emotions to get the best of you.
It can be very easy to let your feelings and emotions get the best of you. As a human being, you are a very emotional creature. You are someone who is always going to have certain feelings. However, you have to make sure that you keep these feelings in check.
There will be times in your marriage wherein you will feel very stressed or angry. In these moments, you need to always make sure that you keep your cool so that you don’t end up doing anything stupid or irresponsible.
6. You say these d-e-a-d-l-y words: “I deserve…”
These words need to be banned from your vocabulary. The mentality that goes along with using these words includes a form of entitlement that k-i-l-l-s the softness needed for a couple to cherish one another.
Saying “I deserve” is inherently a demand. It’s very different from knowing internally that you are worth more and having the communication skills necessary to ask for more. Knowing what you’re worth helps you inspire your husband to cherish you.
7. You think that it’s okay to withhold your love.
You should never be so withholding of your love in your marriage. In fact, you should never be withholding of your love at all. And most importantly, you should know that there are no limits in which you can love another person. It’s practically impossible that you would ever love a person too much.
This is especially true with the person that you love most in the world. You shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that there is a ceiling to your love. You should always be building on the love you have for your partner.
8. You and your husband live parallel lives.
Living parallel lives with your husband is the slippery slope to disconnecting completely. The bonds of marriage thrive on having an interest in one another, working toward common goals and spending time with one another.
Couples who are trying to reconnect after their children have left home often come to realize that they don’t know each other anymore.
References: relrules.com, yourtango.com
